17 Years Later

17 Years Later, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

Now I'm in mid-40s. I speak better English than I was 17 years ago, I hope. I have a job and I do buy what I want at a supermarket now. I take tubes rather than buses. I have an iPhone, which I love, and I have a few friends to make a call to.

One thing I am not sure is 'Am I as free as I was in 1995?'

No need to argue.

Mulranny, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

When I moved to London, I listened to the Cranberries so often as my flatmate was a big fan of them, and in the end I was addicted to their music, too.

In the same year, I went to Ireland fist time in my life. The moist air with smell of turf was something I would feel in their music.

Nowadays, I rarely listen to the Cranberries any more but when I see those scenery of Ireland with very heavy clouds, I still can't help looking up their album with a little nostalgia.

1995

1995, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

I was still in my 20s. I wasn't able to speak much English at all. I left work and had no job. I had to be aware of how much I spent on food everyday. I tried to get buses rather than tube as it was cheaper. I had no mobile phone but I had no friends to call any way. I did not belong to anywhere or anybody. I didn't know much about the town I lived then.

Nevertheless, I was quite happy. Everything was new and I was absolutely free.

The distance from where I used to belog to.

Not me not you, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

There is absolutely nothing still in this world. Everything is changing in some degree.

After quite a many years, I left the country, where I was born and brought up, I feel more distant when I come back there rather than when I am away.

It is not too easy to justify the feeling but you find your own country inside yourself when you are away from there. However, when you are back there, you find it not as confortable as it used to be.

Little by little, I loosen my grip and I am getting away from where I used to belong to. That is a little sad, but it would be totally natural.

Kids' perception towards photography.

Bristol Balloon Fiesta, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

As far as I remember I was given my first camera by my dad when I was 14 before my school trip. The camera was not new. It was something my dad used to use A LOT.

At the school trip most kids had new cameras with AE and AF but my old camera did not have AF, so I needed to set the distance at each time, which was so UNCOOL.

How come, I don't know, now I love doing something which I felt so uncool 20+ years ago.

A Sunny Day

My favourite profile, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

I don't really care who you are, what you've done good or bad, how many people admire you still now on...just a truth is you looked so real and beautiful under the blue sky.

Not even a storm in a teacup

a little wind in a coffee cup, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

Never worry it is just a little wind in a coffee cup.

Something which will come, will come and something which will go, will go.

Cheese!

Smiley House in Thaxted, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

Even a house can smile. Why can't you?

Sea like a velvet.

Fethiye 02, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

Water is a great illusionist, even greater than Houdini.

I'm not in love.

EF, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

I just happened to be given a very old unused APS film (expired in 2001). That is only the reason I searched my husband's very old APS camera and purchased batteries to function it.

The prints are real dream so nostalgic.

No, no, I am not gonna actively look for old films, no no.

I'm not in love, so don't forget it. It's just a silly phase I'm going through...

Most of stuff I like is not something I want to own.

Kaya Koy　02, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

I genuinely don't want to own stuff. They look beautiful but I like to look at them somewhere else rather than in our own flat.

Owning is a responsibility and quite often I can't stand it. That is probably just because I am an irresponsible kid.

I am not on holiday but just on the way to supermarket.

I am not on holiday but just on the way to supermarket., a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

I took this pic not anywhere by the sea, but just in North London where I live. It was unusually nice lovely weather for London on the day and the white wall was very misleadingly located there.

Anyway, it looks like a holiday pic, doesn't it?

She waits, I Wait.

Fethiye 08, a photo by gezkaz on Flickr.

She waits for somebody to give her food. I wait she gets a bit still and shows her best expression.